More Treats & Less Tricks, Please
by Resa Aureus
Summary: Birthday fic for onebigscribble! Sirius has some tricks of his sleeves this Halloween for a certain werewolf, bookworm, and young metamorphmagus. What will happen to the two book-lovers find themselves in an awkward situation and when Teddy just eats too much candy?
1. Chapter 1

A/N. Happy Birthday to **onebigscribble**! She is a dear friend and a great writer, and most importantly, her birthday is today! So this one is for her - I hope you like it, Scribbles :D

Ways in which this is AU: Sirius and Remus are live (I REFUSE TO BELIEVE EITHER OF THEM DIED), but Tonks IS dead (sorry, Tonks) and well... that's about it, I suppose.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. But if JKR ever started writing fanfiction would she, instead of putting a "disclaimer" put a "claimer" instead. "Claimer: I own this. Really, I do. I'm JKR." Would that happen?

...~oOo~...

More Trick And Less Treat, Please

If there was one thing Sirius Black liked as much as Christmas, it was Halloween. Possibly because it reminded him of all those exotic Feasts back at Hogwarts, or maybe it was to do with the fact that it opened up a whole new world of scary pranks. And Sirius, even as he was pushing forty - or, rather mid-thirties, he'd say, because he insisted his aging halted while he was in the Veil - loved pranks. Anything that scared the pants off of someone put a smile on his face.

Especially if that "someone" was Remus. In the past, Remus was absolutely immune to all of Sirius's tricks and pranks. He would just smile, say, "Good one, Pads" and then walk off, munching on his chocolate and reading a book.

However, his kid was the easiest target in the world. Little Teddy was the biggest scaredy cat Sirius had ever seen!

Then again, Teddy was, like, five. So maybe Sirius wasn't playing fair.

But it was the morning of Halloween that Sirius discovered that not all pranks had to be scary or humiliating. No. As a matter of fact, they could be both - but not the traditional sort of frightening or embarrassing. It could be more personal, more mental and emotional - a prank that no one noticed was a prank apart from the prankster. All Sirius had to do was target Remus's weakness.

Sirius realized this when he was sitting in the kitchen with his mate and Teddy. The older two were drinking coffee and the little one insisted on drinking his chocolate milk in a mug - that way he could pretend it was coffee like the big boys. Teddy was sporting purple hair that morning and was already wide-eyed and excited for that evening.

Wizarding kids usually didn't go trick-or-treating, but Muggles did. And Remus thought it would be best for Teddy to embrace his Muggle side as well and take part in some of their traditions. Both of Teddy's parents were half-bloods, after all.

Sirius's revelation came when there was a knock on the door and a click of the lock, meaning whoever was entering had a key. And then there was light footsteps and a friendly call of, "Happy Halloween!"

Hermione Granger had dropped by.

And Sirius saw the signs of Remus's distress immediately. Remus's spine jolted into the perfect straight of a rod, he was untwisting his wrinkled sleeping t-shirt and inconspicuously trying to retie the drawstring on his flannel pants. He was also scratching nervously at his neck and patting Teddy's head as if doing so would make him feel better.

Which it obviously didn't.

Anyone would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to see the sexual tension between the former professor and student. Hermione was less obvious about it - she had a rather high sense of morality and decorum - but Remus was pathetic. Clumsy and nervous and twitchy. He'd always been like this, Sirius thought with a sigh. Even at school. The boy couldn't get within ten feet of a female without breaking out in hives.

Which was why Tonks and Remus had been good together. She did all the advancing and was so forward that Remus didn't have to worry about subtlety or flirting, the things that most set him on edge.

"Daddy, why are you smacking my head?" Teddy inquired, having his spiky hair flattened with his father's hand.

"I'm patting, dear, not smacking," Remus said absently. He took his hand away and flicked open the Prophet, trying to look preoccupied.

"We're in here, love!" Sirius called out, never wanting to miss a chance at Remus being a stuttering fool.

When Hermione entered the kitchen, she was flushed from the cold autumn wind, her nose pink, and her curls whipped into a tumbleweed that she was actively trying to push down. But even Sirius had to admit he'd never seen the girl looking so adorable before - bundled into a black pea-coat, mittens, and warm-looking boots.

"'Mione!" Teddy exclaimed happily, hopping down from his seat and hurtling himself at the young woman. Laughing, Hermione caught him and squeezed tight.

"Hello, Teddy! How are you this fine October day?" she asked, giggling at the boy graced her cheek with kisses.

"Lovely!" Teddy answered, making her laugh more. "It's Halloween, you know!"

"In fact, I do know," Hermione said with a smile, putting Teddy back down. "It's actually why I'm here."

"Are you trick-or-treating already?" Teddy asked, looking confused. His eyes scanned her up and down. "What are you supposed to be?"

Laughing again, Hermione shook her head. "No, not yet, sweetheart. And I'm supposed to be _me_, of course! I'm here because I hear your father is going to take you trick-or-treating tonight and I want you to stay nice and warm." She crouched down on the floor to Teddy's level and from her pocket drew out two bright blue mittens.

Teddy looked at them, grinning widely, and happily took them. He slipped them, finding them only a little big - room to grow - and rushed to show his father.

"Look what 'Mione gave me, Daddy!" Teddy exclaimed.

"Very nice," Remus said, smiling. "But is Hermione sure she doesn't want to save them for any unsuspecting house-elves?"

"Ha, ha," Hermione said sarcastically, amusement dancing in her eyes. "Very funny. And I dare say, I've gotten quite better at knitting since my SPEW days."

"I'd agree," Remus said as he hoisted Teddy up onto his lap. He often did that when Hermione was around - hold onto Teddy tight. Sirius suspected it had something to do with keeping his hands from fidgeting like they normally did when he was anxious.

"Are you jealous you haven't got a pair of your own?" Hermione teased lightly.

"Quite," Remus chuckled.

"Well, then, good news for you, I've got you something better!" She pulled a long scarf out of her pocket - and another one as well! They were striped orange and black with green fringe at the ends. "Matching scarves for you and Sirius!"

Remus blanched and Sirius barked with laughter.

"You shouldn't have..." Remus said.

"But I wanted to!" Hermione said.

"People already think we're bent for living together," Sirius said, beaming, "we might as well throw matching fringed scarves into the mix and erase all doubt!"

Hermione scowled and said defensively, "They won't think you're gay, Sirius. They'll think you're... very good friends."

"Yes," Sirius agreed. "Very good, shirt-lifting friends. But bugger that, I still want mine!" He stood up and took the scarf from Hermione, pressing an unnecessarily long, sloppy kiss to Hermione's cheek.

Remus's cheeks flared red.

"I'll get you some coffee, kitten," Sirius said before sauntering over to the stove.

For the slightest moment, Remus wondered if he'd just caught Hermione sneaking a glance at Sirius's bareback and bum. It sparked a deep pang of jealousy in him. Maybe some things never changed. In Hogwarts, Sirius would always turn heads and those heads would instinctively turn away from Remus.

Although, Remus probably wouldn't be able to handle it if Hermione had a thing for Sirius.

"And this one is for you," Hermione said, draping the last scarf around his neck, wrapping it around once, resulting in her fingers skimming his jugular. It sent his pulse into a frenzy.

It was getting harder and harder to not touch Hermione whenever she touched him. Remus knew she was merely friendly, all the gentle pats or hand-squeezes. But it drove him mad.

Whenever the Wolf side of him - and the purely male part of him - started whining, begging to touch Hermione, he had trained himself to draw up a mental image of Hermione the first time he met her. Fourteen with crazy hair and bad teeth, a know-it-all, and a teacher's pet.

But somehow, in this mental image, her fourteen-year-old self never stayed fourteen. No. Somehow she grew into her current twenty-one-year-old self, but still wearing the uniform, that plaid skirt...

_You are a dirty old werwolf, _he told himself. _Practically a pedophile, never mind that she's of-age. She was your student, she is a young girl, and you are forty-one. FORTY-ONE. Remember that._

While Remus was telling himself all of the things wrong with having sexual knee-high sock fantasies about Hermione, Sirius's own mind was plotting. Plotting on how he could abuse Remus's very obvious feelings for Hermione and finally succeed in humiliating Remus in his own way.

Then it was so obvious Sirius could have smacked himself.

When Sirius put a cup of coffee in front of Hermione, his opportunity arose.

Teddy was chattering to Hermione all about their plans for that evening. About how Uncle Sirius and Daddy were taking him trick-or-treating with the Muggles and how he was going to dress up and about how Sirius wanted to go as a "pimp" even though Teddy had no idea what a pimp was and -

"Oh, dear," Sirius said, cutting into Teddy's monologue. He put on his best mournful expression. "I didn't tell you, did I?"

"Didn't tell us what?" Remus asked slowly, sensing trouble approaching.

"I'm afraid I can't go trick-or-treating tonight," Sirius said regretfully.

Teddy's eyes went giant like saucers and his lower lip quivered. "But...but we were supposed to be the Three Musketeers!"

Remus glared darkly at his old friend. "Yes, Sirius, what could be so important that you'd abandon us?"

"I'm afraid I have to work."

"Work! You don't bloody work!"

"My novel," Sirius said, looking dead serious. "I've been neglecting it for too long."

"Then neglect it a day longer," Remus said sharply.

"That would just be irresponsible," Sirius said indignantly. "What sort of traits are you instilling in your child - procrastination and neglecting duties? You should be ashamed."

Teddy was pouting and said quietly, "But... who's going to be our third Musketeer? We need three!"

"Hm," Sirius faux-mused, "what a good question... Hermione, are you busy this evening?"

"No," Hermione said, perhaps a beat too quickly. "Um... if I'm not imposing, perhaps... I could your third?"

Teddy's face broke out in a smile. "Yes, 'Mione! Please come with us!"

"I'm sure Hermione has better things to do," Remus said quickly, but Teddy was already up and out of his seat and running for the stairs, laughing like mad.

"I don't, actually," Hermione replied, smiling, her brown eyes twinkling. "To be honest, I'd actually love to go trick-or-treating. I haven't since I was ten... and it would look kind of strange, me going out alone, wouldn't it?"

"You don't have to," Remus said, quietly to Hermione.

"I know I don't," Hermione said, "but I want to! As long as its alright with you, of course."

"Oi!" Sirius said before Remus could answer. "Enough with the back and forth. Hermione's going, Teddy's happy, Remus - quit it and suck it up."

Then Teddy came whizzing back into the room, holding a hanger with clothes draping from it. "This is your, 'Mione!" Teddy said, dropping it in her lap.

It was, sure enough, a Musketeer uniform, obviously made for a man of Sirius's size.

"Well, I'll be off then, to take this in and whatnot," Hermione said. "What time should I be here?"

"We'll probably leave around five," Remus answered, feeling defeated.

"I'll see you then!" She dropped a kiss onto Teddy's cheek and waved before leaving.

Remus sent a grimace Sirius's way, hoping to communicate, _You're dead. _

...~oOo~...

A/N: Part 2 coming up next!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's Part Two. When onebigscribble gave me my "prompt" for this birthday story, she gave me the John Keats quote: ''I cannot exist without you - I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my Life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving...''

In Hermione's mini-speech later on, you'll see components of that quote. Here goes...

...~oOo~...

"What were you thinking?" Remus demanded once Teddy was in his room getting dressed. Remus had marched up to Sirius before he had the chance to escape into his heavily-warded study.

Sirius was the perfect picture of innocence. "I have no clue what you're talking about."

"I never damned well that you aren't suddenly dedicated to your bloody novel," Remus snapped. "Now tell me - what were you thinking? You knew Hermione would offer to come in your place!"

"Precisely," Sirius said with a mischievous grin, giving up the innocence act.

"But... why?!"

"You mean, besides the fact you've got the hots for Student?" Sirius chuckled deeply.

"You... you did this on purpose!"

"Of course I did!" Sirius said firmly. "This is what you get for never even acting afraid whenever I prank you. Now you have to spend an entire evening with the scariest thing you know - a female that you are attracted to."

"You're evil," Remus growled.

With a Cheshire cat grin, Sirius said, "I know I am. It's one of the many reasons you love me. Now go get dressed! Nothing puts more heat in a girl's panties than leather breaches!"

...~oOo~...

When there was a knock on the door, Teddy had practically flew at the door, squealing, "'MIONE!"

Remus sighed. He'd been in the middle of putting on Teddy's left boot, telling him about the story of the Three Musketeers, and he'd been abandoned. Obviously Aunt 'Mione was a great deal more interesting than his father. Which, who could blame him? Remus understood completely.

Remus slowly made his way to the foyer, willing to delay this for as long as possible, and listened as the door swung open and he heard Hermione's voice exclaim, "Look how great you look!" Then he heard her shower Teddy with kisses.

"All for one!" Teddy declared.

"And one for all, darling," Hermione replied, raspberry-ing Teddy's cheek, making him giggle.

When Remus made it to the foyer, he saw that Hermione had definitely modified the costume - for the better. She still wore brown leather pants and tall boots, but the outfit itself fit more femininely around her. It wasn't like the normal girl Halloween costumes - where the girls all wore nothing but rubber and looked like slags - it actually covered each in of her modestly. But she still was undeniably beautiful.

She wore the white billowy sleeved shirt and the blue vest with the emblem, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and the big hat with the feather to top it all off.

"That has to be the sexiest Musketeer I've ever seen, standing in my very own foyer," Sirius said as he came down the stairs. Remus glared at him.

"Thank you, Sirius," Hermione said with a laugh. Teddy tucked her hand into her and she said, "Although, I do have to say Teddy is definitely the cutest. You look very handsome, Ted. As does your father." Her eyes settled on Remus, who had foregone the feathery hate, predictably. "You look great, Remus."

"So do you," Remus said. The darker side of his brain mumbled, Good enough to eat.

In only an hour, Teddy was running on pure sugar. He ran in circles around his father and Hermione as they strolled down the road. Whatever candy was dropped into his hands rarely made it to his sack - right to his mouth it went. Which led to a sugar high of epic proportions.

"His mother was the same way," Remus said with a fond smile as Teddy bolted from them and up to the next door. "One scoop of ice cream would send Dora over the edge."

Hermione smirked. "You miss her terribly, don't you?"

With a deep sigh, Remus said, "I do. Though, Teddy and I both know what she died for. It makes it easier to sleep at night knowing that she was prepared for what happened and that she wanted to make a better tomorrow for him... and for me."

Biting her lip in concern for her friend, Hermione asked, "Do you think you'll ever marry again?"

"Sirius is determined to see to it that I do," Remus chuckled. "Or, maybe not. He just wants me to shag anything that makes a step toward me - much like him. But for now Teddy needs stability, not a father who tries desperately to reclaim a youth I never had."

Then, like a meteorite, Teddy ran into them, practically throwing himself into Hermione's arms.

"SPIN MEEEEEE!" he yelled, flapping his arms impatiently.

Hermione let out and "oof" as she hefted him under the armpits. "You're getting so big, Teddy."

"SPIIIIIIIIIIIIN!"

And so Hermione did. Holding on tight to the boy, Hermione began twirling around in circles, sending his feet upward into the spin. He squealed and laughed and hollered but before long Hermione got dizzy and set him back down. Remus was laughing at his son's frivolity and Hermione's new crossed eyes.

A middle-aged woman walking past with three vampires running around her and an older man who looked ready to go home said, "Oh, how precious! What a perfect family costume!"

Remus and Hermione exchanged looked and then glanced down. Somehow they'd forgotten they were dressed up.

"You have a beautiful family," the woman said, her hand giving Hermione's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you," Remus said when Hermione fell into an awkward unsure-of-what-to-say silence.

The woman's husband nodded and said, "A brave thing, my friend. Taking both your daughter and son out on Halloween. Your wife not up to the task?"

An indelicate snort came from Hermione's nose as she tried very hard not to laugh. Remus, blushing, lifted Teddy off the ground, now retreating into his own awkward silence.

"Don't be silly, Jeremy! That's not his daughter, its his wife!"

Wrong on both counts, Remus thought, but I'd much rather you mistake her as my wife than as my daughter, so thank you.

The couple continued on at the beckoning of their impatient children and Hermione let herself go, laughing full and loud, her hand covering her mouth and trying desperately to stop.

"It isn't funny," Remus said, raising an eyebrow and pursing his lips. Teddy jumped out of his arms and went up to the next door.

"It actually is," Hermione said, shaking with her mirth. "To think! You... my father...!"

"He basically called me old," Remus groused. "Which, I am. But... I don't like being reminded I'm old enough to be your father."

"Barely," Hermione scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"In case you've forgotten, I was there was your best friend was born - I was very close with his parents," Remus pointed out, walking onward and keeping one eye on his son at all times. "And I was your teacher!"

"You seem really ruffled about this."

"Not ruffled, just..." Angsty. "I just don't like people thinking you're my daughter."

"But the woman thought I was your wife," Hermione explained, smiling. "Despite the obvious age difference, she believed we were married. Does that make you feel better?"

"Hardly."

Hermione chuckled and said, "Come along, Professor. There's candy to be collected. Maybe if you're good I'll buy you a butterbeer."

...~oOo~...

By nine o'clock, Teddy was dead on his feet. The sugar high crashed faster and harder than a wave in the middle of a hurricane. Teddy slumped and moaned and whined about his belly hurting. Remus dragged the boy up into his arms and it barely a minute before Teddy was fast asleep on his dad's shoulder.

Hermione's heart fluttered. Remus was such an amazing father. It was among the many things she adored about the man. He was intelligent, witty, caring, generous, and fiercely protective of everyone he loved.

It would be a lie to say she wasn't deeply in love with her former professor. She had been for over a year. And every time she thought he may feel something for her in turn, it was quickly squashed when he resumed treating her the same way he did Harry and Ron. Sometimes a shared look between them could brew a tangible heat, but others she wondered if he even realized she was female. She she tried to be more girlish, but it did absolutely nothing, except maybe he avoided her more.

Maybe it was pointless, she thought. And it was wrong of her to even consider it... He was obviously very aware of their age difference and that he had a son and responsibilities. And Hermione did carry a guilt - Tonks had been a good friend to her and Hermione never wanted to betray her.

Which was all silly anyway since she was foolish to even think that Remus would look twice at her. All those passionate glances were probably figments of her imagination.

Hermione loved Remus, but also loved Teddy. The boy knew just how to lighten her heart and remind her of what she fought so long for - a better future. And Teddy instilled a faith in the next generation in her.

So Hermione knew that any fall-out from pursuing Remus could very well end in an inability to continue having a great relationship with Teddy. It would become awkward to drop by and see him and Hermione didn't want that. Not at all. It was too big of a risk.

Hermione knew the right thing to do was admire from afar, but never pursue.

By the time they were back to Grimmauld, Teddy was rousing from his short nap. And they'd taken two steps into the door when Teddy's face turned green and he said, "I don't feel too good."

Hermione immediately grabbed Teddy off the floor and sprinted him to the nearest first floor bathroom. They just made it to the toilet when Teddy began vomiting.

"Oh, dear," Hermione said, stroking the boy's hair and holding it back from his face. "Your father told you to stop eating so much candy."

"I know," he moaned into the toilet miserably. "I just... I like chocolate..."

Hermione couldn't help a chuckle. "That part isn't your fault, actually. It's your father's. He's obsessed with chocolate."

"Am not," Remus said from the doorway. He leaned against the doorjamb, smirking.

"Liar," Hermione replied. She turned back to Teddy and asked, "Are you feeling better?"

Teddy nodded and rushed to the sink where he swished his mouth with water. "I feel a lot better," he said sleepily as he brushed his teeth.

"Good," Hermione said, kissing his hair.

"Up to bed," Remus said. "It's way past your bedtime."

Teddy nodded and said, "Yes, Daddy." He wrapped his sticky hands around Remus's waist and said, "I love you."

"I love you too, Teddy," Remus said, stroking his large hand through Teddy's fine hair. "Kiss Aunt 'Mione a kiss goodnight."

Teddy did and told Hermione that he loved her too and them went up the stairs to put on his jammies.

"He is so special," Hermione said quietly.

Remus nodded. "He is."

"I love him dearly, you know," Hermione said, walking out of the bathroom.

Remus followed along behind her and said, "I know you do."

Taking off her hat and scratching the top of her head, Hermione said, "I love you as well, Remus." And she kissed his cheek. "I best be off. Crookshanks probably misses me."

Before she could make it to the door, Remus asked, "Hermione, what do you mean by that?"

"I mean that I have a very sensitive and temperamental cat who -"

"No, no," Remus said, shaking his head. "When you say tell me you love me."

Hermione paused, her brows furrowing. "It means I... well, that I love you, I suppose. I care about you and your happiness. The same way I do Teddy."

"So... you care for me the same way you do my son," Remus said slowly, his heart dropping like an anvil in his ribcage.

"Well, n-no, I wouldn't say th-that," Hermione stuttered, stuffing her hands into her pockets nervously.

"Then what would you say?" Remus asked.

"I would say... I care for you differently."

"How differently?"

"Why do you ask?" Hermione inquired, very confused.

"Because, Hermione," Remus said with a sigh, "I think we care about each other in very different ways."

Hermione swallowed, her stomach doing a massive flip. She was busted. "I... I'm sorry, Remus. I-I, I just, I never meant to make you uncomfortable or -"

"No, Hermione," Remus said with a sigh of his own. "It's my own fault. It's hardly your fault that you don't reciprocate feelings that are mine -"

"Wait, what?"

"I apologize if I've made you uncomfortable or -"

"No, that's my line! I made you uncomfortable, didn't I?"

"No," Remus said, his eyebrows scrunching together. "I... I mean, I'm so much older, and knowing how I feel about you couldn't have been -"

"_How_ do you feel about me?"

"Not the same why you feel about me -"

"Well, that much is obvious," Hermione groaned, smacking her hands over her eyes in chagrin. "I probably looked like a pathetic puppy dog, always trailing behind you... How humiliating..."

"I think," Remus said hesitantly, "that we need to rewind and go back to the beginning of this conversation. Hermione, what do you mean?"

"I mean, you've obvious figured out how in love I am with you!" Hermione practically exploded. "You must think I'm silly and girly and pathetic... ugh! I've never been so embarrassed. I've made you uncomfortable and the last thing I wanted to do was make our friendship awkward! For Teddy's sake and now -"

"Hermione!" Remus interjected, but she didn't stop.

"No, Remus," Hermione said sharply. "I won't let my unreturned feelings stop us from being friends. Teddy... I... I can't exist without him, I suppose you could say. He makes me believe that the war wasn't in vain. And you... I can't exist without you either. Sometimes at work or at home all I can think about is the next time I'll see you. Like nothing else matters in that moment. I want... I want you in ways you don't want me and I can understand that. But I won't let this be awkward."

Remus's mind was... well, it was effectively blown. "Hermione... you... want me?"

"I thought we covered this," Hermione grumbled with an embarrassed huff.

"I think... we have a bit of confusion still," Remus said, "because I thought you had discovered how _I_ felt and it was unwelcome."

"Huh?"

"I... I feel very much the same," Remus confessed slowly. "And I thought, well, I thought exactly what you thought only reversed."

Remus and Hermione stared at one another.

"How... peculiar," Hermione said.

"Indeed."

"I think," Hermione admitted, "that I may need to kiss you now."

And before Remus could respond, Hermione's arms were thrown around his neck and her lips were crushed against his. He was shocked frozen for a split second, but readily wrapped his arms around her in response and kissed her back, with just as much enthusiasm.

Remus tasted like chocolate and coffee.

Hermione tasted like honey and tea.

And in the one, joyful, passionate kiss they both felt like they were dissolving into one another.

And from the top of the stairs, Sirius Black smiled. Maybe it had never been a prank at all, but instead a mission. With a pat on his own back, Sirius picked himself up off the stairs and strolled back to his own bedroom, the sound of Hermione's giggling and Remus's murmurs carrying up through the old house.

Mission accomplished.

THE END

...~oOo~...


End file.
